Sorrow and New Beginnings
by HGRache
Summary: Repost. Shelby and Ezra friendship. After graduation story.
1. 1

**I don't own Shelby or any of the people from the show. Dani is my character, and any other offspring you may encounter.**

**Chapter 1**

Shelby picked up her daughter Danielle. Danielle was only a month old and she still had colic. Shelby was getting tired of this game that was played every day and every night.

"Ssh. It's all right, Dani," Shelby said. "It's all right. Oh, please stop crying. Mommy needs a rest. Please stop crying." Shelby was close to tears herself. She had been doing this day in and day out for a month. She was a single mother. Danielle was the product of a drunken one night stand. The guy was definitely not father material so Shelby said adios. She didn't even tell him she was pregnant.

Shelby heard a knock on the door. She turned around and saw Ezra standing in the doorway of her small but adequate house. Shelby had graduated from Horizon with all of her friends and then gone home. She left Jess in Horizon until she graduated. She packed all her stuff and moved away from that horrible trailer. She and Ezra had met up in the same town. They lived only minutes from each other. Shelby had stayed in contact with Juliette and Katherine. The three girls had become closer than ever after they all left. She had completely lost touch with Scott and Daisy, but she wasn't really disappointed. Scott had gone home, and she didn't really expect to stay in touch with him.

She put a squirming Danielle on her hip and went to open the door. Ezra smiled and took Danielle from Shelby. Ezra had been a huge help to Shelby since Dani had been born. 

"You look exhausted," Ezra said. "Go get some sleep. I'll take care of Danielle."

Shelby gave him a hug and didn't protest. She got in her bed and pulled the covers tight around her and fell asleep within minutes. She didn't wake up until about 3 hours later. She walked into the kitchen, where she found Ezra feeding Dani a bottle of formula.

"Peter called," he said. He looked so serious that Shelby's blood ran cold. He put his hand on her shoulder and said, "You might want to sit down."

"What happened?" Shelby whispered. Ezra gently pushed her into the nearest chair.

"David's little brother came to Horizon. He and Jess didn't hit it off, just like you and David didn't. Derek thought it would be funny to put some drugs in Jess's food to get her in trouble when Peter and Sophie found out she was high. He put too much in her food and it killed her," Ezra said quietly. Shelby's mouth dropped open and she paled.

"No," Shelby said. "No no no no no. This can't happen. This isn't happening!"

"Peter wants you to come up to Horizon," Ezra said stroking her shoulder. She laid her head on her shoulder. He rubbed her back as she sobbed.

"I just booked us two plane tickets to Washington," Ezra said coming into Shelby's bedroom.

"Two? What about Dani?" Shelby said before ducking into her closet to grab a bigger suitcase.

"She's under 5 years old," Ezra said. "She gets on free. We talked about that before I called."

"I know," Shelby said. "I just didn't think about what I was saying. How many changes of clothes do you think I'll need?"

It had been two days since Peter's call and Shelby had avoided talking to Ezra anymore about Jess.

"Peter's probably going to want to have some kind of service for Jess at Horizon," Ezra said. "I'd pack some formal clothes and some casual clothes. Shelby, are you listening?"

"Yeah, I'm listening. Just making a mental list of what I'll need to bring for Dani."

Shelby stepped out of the cab with Danielle in her arms and Ezra by her side. They were here. Horizon. Her second home.

The door to the lodge opened and Peter and Sophie stepped out. Shelby immediately felt their warmth, even though they were still some distance away. Soon Sophie enveloped her in a warm hug and Shelby found it hard not to cry. Peter shook Ezra's hand and then hugged Shelby while Sophie hugged Ezra.

"I'm sorry, kiddo," Peter said to Shelby. "I'm so sorry." He hugged her again and this time she couldn't stop the tears from falling. Peter rocked her back and forth as Ezra shook his head. She wouldn't let him help, but she would let Peter. Sophie sensed his thoughts and put her arm around him. Her look said it all. You know Shelby. She pushes everyone away. 

They all walked up to the lodge. "We want to have a small service or something like that up here for all the kids who knew Jess," Peter said.

"Actually, I was thinking about that," Shelby said, shifting Danielle in her arms. "I want to have the funeral here."


	2. 2

Chapter 2 

**I don't own any of the Higher Ground characters except Dani and any other offspring.**

Peter's response was slightly subdued. "You want to have the funeral here?" he asked slowly.

"Yeah," Shelby said, shifting Dani in her arms. Ezra took Dani from her and Shelby looped her arm through his. "Jess really didn't have any friends at home. No reason to stay there. And since I'm her legal guardian now, I think it would be better to have it here. All her friends are here. Her life is here. Do you mind if we have it here?"

"No, not at all," Peter said. "I just thought you would want it at home."

"No, not really," Shelby said. "Jess spent the last couple years of her of life hating that place."

By that time they had reached the Administration building. The two went to Peter's office to talk, while Sophie helped Ezra put Dani down for a nap.

"So you have a baby?" Peter asked. He was still in shock about the whole thing. And he was more surprised that it was Ezra's.

Shelby beamed. "Yeah, I do. Isn't she precious?" Peter almost laughed. If anyone had told him three years ago that Shelby would be a beaming mother, he would have told them to see a therapist.

"Yeah, she's gorgeous, Shel. You and Ezra are together, huh?" He just couldn't resist asking.

"Oh, no! You've totally barked up the wrong tree," she laughed. "But you wouldn't be the first."

"So you and Ez aren't together?" Peter asked. Shelby shook her head. "But you have a baby..."

"I went to a wedding and had a little too much to drink," Shelby said. Peter gave her a look. "I know, I shouldn't be drinking," she said. "Turns out, the best man was in the same boat I was. We slept together. I never told him I was pregnant. The man would be a lousy father."

Peter shook his head. Shelby seemed to read his disapproval, for she added, "Hey, I used a designated driver!" Peter chuckled at this.

"OK, let's forget this," he said. "Let's work on these arrangements."

"Hello, Cabot residence. Katherine speaking," was the voice that answered the phone.

"Kat, it's Shelby," Shelby said into the phone.

Kat squealed with delight. "Shel, it's been so long! How's Dani?"

"She's fine," Shelby said, hating to rain on their conversation. "But that's not why I called."

"Something's wrong," Kat said, shifting back to the Kat Shelby remembered from years prior.

"Yeah, David's brother Derek killed Jess with a drug overdose," Shelby said bitterly.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," Kat said. "I'm so sorry, Shelby. I know how close you and Jess were."

Shelby swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. "We're having a service for her at Horizon next week. It'd be great if you could make it."

"Yeah, Hank and I will be there," Kat said. "Um, are you going to invite Scott?"

"I hadn't thought about it," Shelby said. "I probably will. Why?"

"Oh, just wondering," Kat said. Shelby could tell there was something Kat wasn't telling her.

"What aren't you telling me, Kat?" Shelby asked her pointedly.

"Nothing. I was just going to say that you should invite him. But since you already plan to, there was no need to say it."

Shelby decided to drop it. "So are you and Hank married yet?" she wanted to know.

"Nope, but we're making plans. Promise you'll show up, though," Kat said. "And bring Dani. I'd love to see her. The picture you sent me was so great."

"I promise I'll be there," Shelby said. "Dani's here with me at Horizon, so you'll see her when you come." The girls said their good-byes and hung up. Shelby decided to call the number Peter had given her for Scott next.

The phone was answered on the third ring. "Barringer residence," said a perky voice. Shelby was so stunned to hear a female voice that she didn't say anything. "Hello?" the voice said again.

Shelby cleared her throat. "Yes, may I speak to Scott please?"

The woman sounded suspicious. "May I asked who's calling, please?"

"Just tell Scott it's an old friend," Shelby said. "He'll know who it is."

The woman put her on hold and went to get Scott. Shelby's heart fluttered nervously in her chest. She wasn't sure how he was going to react to her calling him. They hadn't been on good terms when they had left Horizon.

Flashback

"Shel, I love you," Scott said. "I really do. And as much as I want to leave and go with you, I have to smooth things over with my dad."

"If you love me so much, why won't you come with me?" Shelby asked stubbornly. "You've had years to work thing out with your dad. Why do you suddenly want to do it now?"

"He's my dad, Shel," Scott said running his hands through his hair. A gesture Shelby had grown to love.

"If you don't want to be with me, all you have to do is say so," Shelby said. "You don't have to lie to me." She turned away so he wouldn't see the tears or pain in her eyes.

He placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her around to face him. "I do love you," he said, his heart melting with the tears falling on  
her cheeks. "But my dad's important. I promise as soon as things are better with my dad, I'll come back to you."

"No," Shelby said stepping away from him. "Don't bother. Go home. Go make things right with your dad." She walked away from him. That was the last time she ever saw him.

End of Flashback

When she walked away from Scott that night, she had walked away from her whole life. It was the hardest decision she had ever made. Which was partly the reason she'd been so willing to get drunk at Andrea's wedding.

She heard a noise at the other end of the phone and snapped back into attention.

"Hello," a voice said. It was deeper than she remembered, but it was still the voice she loved. The voice that belonged to the man she loved.

"Scott, it's me," she said quietly.


	3. 3

Chapter 3 

**I don't own any of the Higher Ground characters**.

There was a long pause on the other end. Shelby held her breath. Did he still hate her? She couldn't be sure.

"Shelby?" he breathed at the other end. He was so quiet she almost didn't hear him.

"Yeah, it's me, Scott," she said. His sigh at the other end was clearly audible.

"After 5 years you finally decide to call me," he said. "Why is that?"

"I, um, I have some bad news," she said, almost in tears. She didn't understand. Ezra was the only one who saw her cry these days. Oh well. Old habits die hard, as they say.

"What happened?" Scott asked. She was taken aback by the coldness in his voice. 

"Jess died," she said just as coldly. "We're having a funeral at Horizon in a week. Come if you want." She didn't give him a chance to say anything, because she hung up on him.

She dialed the next number on the list Peter had dug up for her. She traced Scott's name with her finger as she dialed Daisy's number.

One week later

Shelby waited on the front porch, Ezra beside her. She was holding Dani while pacing nervously back and forth. Ezra put a calming hand on her arm just as a car pulled up.

Kat got out of the passenger side and ran up to Shelby. They hugged for a long time. Then Kat backed off and admired Dani. Hank got out and came up.

"She's so gorgeous, Shel," Kat said. Ezra came over and she hugged him. They all headed back up to the porch. They sat on the steps, Kat holding Danielle. They fell silent, the girls looking at Ezra and Hank.

Hank got up when he realized it. "I'll go see if Peter needs help inside," he said. He left and the girls giggled. Another car pulled up and Daisy got out with David.

Shelby hugged Daisy then looked at David with a blank expression on her face.

He reached for her hand. "I am so sorry," he whispered. She allowed him to hug her before he joined Ezra inside.

The girls sat on the steps again, Daisy holding Danielle.

"So," she said after a few minutes of silence. "You and Ezra are together."

Shelby laughed. "Not at all," she said.

"But you have a baby and-" Kat started, obviously confused.

"Just because I have a baby and I live minutes away from Ezra does not mean he's the father," Shelby said indignantly. "But he does act like it sometimes."

"Care to explain?" Daisy said leaning forward.

"He helps me with her so much," Shelby said. "I was so depressed after she was born." She reached out and played absentmindedly with Dani's hair.

Kat smiled. "That sounds like something Ezra would do."

"He's so great with her," Shelby said still playing in Dani's hair. "He'll make a great dad someday."

"So if Ez isn't the father, who is?" Kat asked.

"Some idiot," Shelby said. "I went to a wedding, got drunk, and slept with the best man."

"So Scott's not the father?" Daisy asked. "Are you sure it's not Scott?"

"Yeah, I'm sure," Shelby said bitterly. She had cringed inwardly at the mention of Scott's name.

"Not to second guess you or anything," Kat said slowly. "But how can you be positive?"

"Because Scott and I never slept together," Shelby said quietly. There was silence for a few minutes. Another car pulled up.

Auggie got out and waved. The girls waved back, all smiling. He opened the passenger door and a visibly pregnant Juliette awkwardly stepped out. Shelby chuckled at the sight, remembering those days all too well.

"I don't believe it!" Kat said. "I can't believe she's pregnant!"

Juliette hugged each of them. Auggie hugged the girls and joined the guys inside.

"So how far along are you?" Kat asked.

"Five months," Juliette said.

"Just far enough along to experience the mood swings, weird cravings, and morning sickness all at the same time!" Shelby said. "Lucky you!"

Juliette laughed. "I see you remember," she said. "And I see you brought Danielle!" She picked her up and played with her hands.

"So now that you guys know what Jules and I have been up to in the past 5 years, it's your turn," Shelby said.

"Hank and I are engaged," Kat said. "He asked me 2 weeks ago. It was so romantic how he proposed." She paused to see if she had everyone's attention. Of course she did. "He gave me this rose. Inside the petals was the ring." She held out her hand.

"Oh, what a rock!" Juliette said, tilting her hand. "What about you, Daisy?"

"David and I are contemplating living together," she said. "Although I don't know if I like the idea of seeing his dirty laundry strewn all over the floor of every room. He did enough of that when he was here."

"Hey, has anybody heard anything from Scott?" Juliette asked. Daisy and Kat made hand gestures for her to avoid the subject, but Juliette hadn't changed that much. "Is he coming or what?"

"Who knows?" Shelby said throwing her hands in the air. "I called him. He was so cold. I told him Jess died and we were having a service and I hung up before he could say anything. Oh, and did I mention that a perky woman answered the phone when I called?" She was met with stunned silence. Everyone had thought Scott and Shelby would outlast Peter and Sophie in the love department.

"So he's involved with someone?" Daisy asked.

"Probably," Shelby said bitterly. Juliette handed Dani back to her.

"You look like you need her," Juliette said.

The door opened behind them and a bottle appeared over Shelby's left shoulder. She took it and smiled at Ezra. "Thanks," she said. He went back inside.

"I see what you mean," Kat said watching him. Shelby started feeding Dani when a black limo pulled up.

The door opened and Scott stepped out, followed by a tall red headed woman. Shelby's heart stopped in her chest. Scott's eyes focused on Dani.


	4. 4

Chapter 4 

**I don't own any of the Higher Ground characters except Dani and Scott's mystery woman.**

Dani started crying. Shelby turned to the girls. "Sorry," she said. "I better go change her."

"OK," Juliette said. She knew Shelby didn't want to see Scott. Who could blame her after what he did?

Scott walked slowly up to the porch, the woman trailing behind him.

"Where'd Shelby go?" he asked when he reached the porch.

"She had to change Danielle," Kat said, almost coldly. "Who is this?"

"This is Jessie," Scott said. "She's my secretary," he added that part after the girls exchanged a look.

"And I'm Dolly Parton," Daisy muttered under her breath. Juliette giggled at the image.

"If you guys have a problem, then say so," Scott said impatiently. "If you don't, I'm going to talk to Shelby."

"Yeah, we do have a problem," Daisy said. "We heard you weren't too friendly to Shelby when she called."

"I wasn't too friendly?" Scott said in disbelief. "She hung up on me!"

"You deserved it," Kat said smugly.

Scott threw his hands up in the air and went into the lodge. Jessie followed him.

Inside the lodge, Shelby was feeding Dani while talking to Ezra.

"Just avoid him," Ezra was saying. "You don't have to talk to him. You don't owe him any explanations."

"But that's not going to stop him from asking me for one," Shelby said. She wiggled the bottle a little more in Dani's mouth.

"So what?" Ezra asked. "Let him ask. He doesn't need to know what went on with you. If he did, he would have called you years ago."

Shelby sighed. "You're right," she said. "I know you're right, but..."

"But you still love him," Ezra finished for her quietly.

"Love isn't the word to use," Shelby said. "But I still feel something. I just don't know what."

Scott cleared his throat. Ezra stood up and Shelby looked over her shoulder. Jessie came up behind him. Scott asked her to leave.

"Ezra, can I talk to Shelby for a minute?" Scott asked. Ezra fixed him with a cold stare.

"Ez, please," Shelby said.

He muttered a few choice words under his breath and went over by Peter. 

"We need to talk," Scott said simply.

Shelby nodded. "But not now," she said. "I have to give Danielle a bath."

Scott came closer and peered over Shelby's shoulder. "She gorgeous," he said. "Looks just like you."

"Yeah, well, she should," Shelby said, not letting him get under her skin.

Scott shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other. "Meet you at the docks after lights out?"

"Meet you at the corner table during dinner," Shelby said firmly. She was not going to bring up their past by doing familiar activities. The dock was their place to make out, not talk.

"Well, I should go see where Peter wants me," Scott said. "So I'll, uh, see you later?"

"Later," Shelby said, quite proud of herself for holding her ground. Scott turned to leave.

"Shel," he said turning back around. "I'm sorry about Jess."

This single comment brought tears to her eyes. Jess. She missed her so much.

Daisy came up and put her arm around Shelby. "Come on," she said. "Let's go give Dani that bath."

Ezra and Kat sat with Shelby at dinner that night. She tried to feed Dani her baby food, but Dani kept spitting it back out.

"I guess she doesn't like mashed bananas," Sophie said sitting down with Peter.

Shelby giggled. "She should," Shelby said. "I ate peanut butter and banana sandwiches all the time when I was pregnant," Shelby said.

"Yeah, and I had to go out at midnight at least once a week because she was out," Ezra said.

Kat laughed. "So you get weird cravings huh?"

"Yeah," Shelby said. "I loved pineapples and cottage cheese, too. I also ate a lot of grilled cheese and chocolate pudding."

"That sounds good," Juliette said, coming over with Auggie. "Not the pudding and grilled cheese, but the pineapples and cottage cheese."

Auggie moaned and covered his face with his hands. "All right," he said. "I'll get you some."

"You're so sweet, Auggie," Juliette said. He grabbed his keys and headed out the door.

'Scott's watching you," Ezra muttered to Shelby. She looked to where Ezra was staring. He was right.

"I guess I should go talk to him," she said reluctantly.

"You don't have to if you don't want to," Ezra said.

"Yes, I do," Shelby said. "I promised him." Ezra took over feeding Dani and Shelby walked to Scott's table in the corner.


	5. 5

Chapter 5 

**I don't own any of the Higher Ground characters except Dani and Jessie.**

Shelby sat down. "Hey," she said.

"Hey," Scott said. There was silence for a while.

"Are we gonna talk or what?" Shelby said trying to hurry things up a bit. She didn't want to spend any more time with Scott than she had to.

"Yeah," Scott said. "Let's take a walk."

Five minutes later they were down on the docks by the lake, where Shelby had vowed never again to go with Scott.

"I don't know where to start," he said. "I want to tell you everything I've been up to, but I don't know where to begin."

"Start with what you did after graduation," Shelby said. "When you went home."

"I went home and things got better with my dad," Scott said. "Things were really good between us."

"And what happened to the promise you made me? You said you'd come to me when things were Ok with your dad again."

"I couldn't leave," Scott said. "We were so close. He admitted his mistakes and this time he meant it. I know he did. I wanted to stay with him get closer. And then he got sick."

"How sick?" Shelby asked.

"He has cancer," Scott said. "Had cancer. He was getting treatment and he's better. I took over the company he became president of. Now the big time executives are thinking of making me a partner in the firm. I couldn't just walk away."

"But you could walk away from the best thing you ever had," Shelby muttered under her breath.

"What was that?" Scott asked. Shelby shook her head. "So now that you know what I've been up to-" Scott started.

"I just have one question," Shelby asked. "Is Jessie really your secretary?"

"Of course she is," Scott said. "But you're the one who broke it off with me, so why do you care?"

"I don't," Shelby said shortly. "But Daisy didn't believe you." Neither did I, she added silently. And I still don't.

"So what happened to you?" Scott asked. "You and Ezra are together, you have a baby. Anything else you'd like to say?"

Shelby chuckled. "Why does everyone think something is going on between me and Ezra? I had a one-night stand after I got drunk at my friend's wedding. I slept with the best man. He was not father material, but Ezra was. We're not dating or anything, but he's kind of like a surrogate father."

"He's a father to Danielle, but you're not dating?" Scott said doubtfully.

"He's my best friend," Shelby said defensively. "After I had Dani, I had PPD really bad."

"What's PPD?" Scott asked, confused.

"Post partum depression," Shelby said. "It's extremely common in new mothers. But I was doubly at risk because I had been depressed before. So Ezra helped me. He took care of me and Dani until I was strong enough to do it myself. And he made me get help."

"How did he make you get help?" Scott asked, intrigued by her story.

"He took me to a doctor who made me talk and let my feelings out into the open," Shelby said. "She really helped me."

The two were silent for a moment. "You know," Scott said breaking the silence. "You are totally different from the last time I remember you. Motherhood really suits you, Shel."

Shelby blushed. "Thanks," she said. "Dani has changed me so much. Before, I was the only person I had to worry about. But now I have Dani. And that's one of the things the doctor helped me see."

"That's so great that you're happy," Scott said. "You are happy, aren't you?"

"Yeah," Shelby said. "If someone had told me a couple of years ago that I'd be happy as a single mom, I would have laughed in their face. But I really am happy."

"No drugs or drinking?" Scott asked.

"Nope," Shelby said. "Been clean since I left Horizon, except for the wedding."

"It's OK to have al little fun once in a while, as long as you don't do it too often," Scott said.

"What about you?" Shelby asked Scott. "Are you clean?"

"Yeah, I haven't touched anything since I've left either," Scott said. "It feels good to be able to look Peter in the eye and tell him that."

"I know," Shelby said. "I told him about the wedding and he wasn't thrilled, but he was proud that I've been saying no ever since."

"So, you never did tell me," Scott said. "What happened with Jess?" Shelby looked at her feet. "Sorry," Scott mumbled. "I shouldn't have asked."

"No, it's OK," Shelby said. "David's little brother thought it would be fun to get her in trouble by slipping drugs into her food. He put too much in her food and she ODed."

"I'm so sorry," Scott said reaching for her hand. Her eyes flooded with tears. He rubbed her hand gently. They look at each other at the same instant. He leaned closer.


	6. 6

Chapter 6 

**I don't own any of the Higher Ground characters except Dani and Jessie. I don't own the song. "You can't lose me" is Faith Hill's song. I'm just a fan of it.  
**  
Shelby's heart pounded in her chest. Scott's lips grew closer and closer. She turned her head so they hit her cheeks.

"Yeah, OK," Scott said, getting up. "I thought we could start over."

"If you thought we could start over, you're wrong," Shelby said. "First of all, we never discussed starting over. Second of all, it wouldn't work."

"Why wouldn't it work?"

"For the same reasons it didn't work the first time! You're too committed to your father's business to commit to me!" Shelby was angry.

"If I wanted to commit to you, I would!" Scott yelled without thinking.

The words felt like a slap in the face to Shelby. "Now the truth comes out," she said quietly.

"Shel, I didn't mean...That's not what I meant and you know it," Scott stuttered.

"Good-bye Scott," Shelby said, getting up and walking away.

Shelby walked back into the lodge feeling crushed. She hadn't expected to get back together with Scott and she didn't expect him to still feel something for her, but it still hurt to hear him say he didn't.

Kat noticed there was something wrong as soon as Shelby came back in. "What's up?" she said.

"Nothing good," Shelby said with a sigh.

Kat put her arm around her friend. "It never is," she said. "It never is."

Juliette came by and put Danielle in Shelby's arms. "Ezra had to go talk with the guys. I volunteered because I thought I'd need the practice."

Shelby smiled. "Trust me, you can never have too much practice with this kind of stuff."

"She's so sweet," Juliette said. "I hope my baby's like her."

"Do you know anything about the baby?" Shelby asked. "Do you know the sex of the baby?"

"No, Auggie and I didn't want to know," Juliette said. "All we know is that there's only one baby and it's healthy."

"Gee, you mean you're not having twins?" Shelby asked playfully.

"No, I'm not having twins," Juliette shot back. The girls giggled.

Dani started crying. "Oh," Shelby said getting up. "I should put her down for a nap. Want to help me, Jules?"

"Sure," Juliette said energetically, getting up. "Where are you gonna put her?"

"Well, Peter said we could stay in the empty dorms, so that's where Ezra unloaded her stuff," Shelby said.

"Ok, cool. What did you have to bring for her?"

"We brought a small bassinet, some clothes, bottles. The usual stuff," Shelby said.

"How do they act when they're this old?" Juliette asked. "I mean, does she still have colic? Does she eat food?"

"She had colic until about a week ago," Shelby said. "After we came up here, she stopped. And the food thing, well most 2-month-old babies just take milk, but I'm not doing that with Danielle. Most of the decisions you make with babies are just that. You choose what you want the baby to eat and when. Stuff like that."

"Wow. There's so much to think about," Juliette said. "I'm taking Lamaze classes with Auggie, but you're telling me things I hadn't even thought about."

"You'll do great," Shelby assured her. "You get used to the tough choices after a while."

Juliette opened the door and Shelby sat Dani in the bassinet. "Sometimes you can sing to them and speed it up a little bit," she said. She started with a song that she loved hearing on the radio.

_A little girl, a little small for her age  
A little too slow for the field day race  
Mama's waiting at the finish line  
And wiped the tear drops from her eyes_

Juliette knew the song and she joined in.__

She says," Did just fine honey, that's okay  
Sometimes life's just that way  
You're gonna lose the race from time to time  
But you're always gonna find

You can't lose me  
Bet your life  
I am here and I will always be  
Just a wish away  
Wherever you go  
No matter how far  
My love is where you are  
You won't be lost if you believe  
You can't lose me"

Mama used to say," Girl it won't be long  
'Til it's time to go out on your own  
Chase your dreams, find your place in life  
I know you'll do just fine"  
When that day finally came  
There were things she needed to but could not say  
So I whispered softly as I wiped the tears from Mama's eyes  
"You can't lose me  
Bet your life  
I am here and I will always be  
Just a wish away  
Wherever you go  
No matter how far  
My love is where you are  
You won't be lost if you believe  
_You can't lose me_

The girls stopped and looked at Dani. She was sound asleep. A faint sound of applause could be heard behind them. They turned and saw Scott in the doorway with Jessie.


	7. 7

Chapter 7 

**I don't own any of the Higher Ground characters except Jessie and Dani, and Juliette's unborn baby. I don't own the song 'All At Once' by Whitney Houston.  
**  
"You sing really well," Jessie said to Shelby.

Shelby blushed noticeably. "Thanks. I didn't know I had an audience."

Scott walked over to Dani. "She looks so much like you," he commented.

Juliette cleared her throat, seeing Shelby's discomfort. "We should get back," she said. "We promised Sophie we'd help her with dinner."

"You guys go ahead," Shelby said shooting Juliette a grateful look. "I need to stay here and keep an eye on Danielle."

Scott and Jessie followed Juliette out of the cabin. Shelby sat down beside her sleeping daughter. "It's amazing,' she whispered into the emptiness. "Even after all these years, he still makes my heart flutter when he walks into a room."

Later that evening, Scott sat in Peter's office taking a business call. He hung up the phone and sighed. If things kept up the way they were going, he was going to have gray hair before he turned thirty.

The door opened and Jessie stepped in. Scott looked up and stifled another sigh. Jessie had undone several buttons on her business suit and had taken her hair out of the bun it was in. She set a small stack of papers on the desk.

"These were faxed to you a few minutes ago," she said in a throaty voice. He mumbled something inaudible. She perched herself on the desk, lifting her skirt a little higher off her knee.

"Will that be all?" Her voice hinted that she had more to give him, but he doubted it was business related.

"No, Jessie, that's all," he said, never looking up from the file he was reading.

She came around the desk and sat on his lap. She tossed the folder aside. "There used to be a time when you wanted more," she said, stroking his cheek with her long nails suggestively. "Remember how much fun we had?"

Scott forced her off his lap. "I have work to do, Jessie," he said in an all-business tone. "I told you, it's strictly professional from now on."

She muttered a few choice words and stomped out. Scott pulled out a mirror and started checking his hair for gray.

Shelby was still in the cabin a few hours after she put Dani down. She couldn't believe Dani had slept for two and a half hours. At home, Shelby was lucky if she slept for an hour.

She flicked on the radio as an idea came into her head.

Up in Peter's office, Scott flicked on the radio. He became silent as he listened to Shelby's voice.

I'd like to request a song. I'm seeing people this week that I haven't seen in years. People who are very special to me.

Well, Shelby, are any of these people past loves, by any chance?

One of them, yes. I'd just like you to play something that fits.

The DJ promised to do his best and soft music filled the room. Scott leaned back in the chair thoughtfully.

_All at once  
I'm drifting on a lonely sea  
Holding on to memories  
And it hurts me more than you know  
So much more than it shows  
All at once  
All at once  
I'm drifting on a lonely sea  
Wishing you'd come back to me  
And it hurts me more than you know  
So much more than it shows  
All at once  
And that's all that matters now  
All at once  
I'm drifting on a lonely sea  
Holding on to memories  
And it hurts me more than you know  
So much more than it shows  
All at once_

Scott rubbed his chin. So Shelby still felt something for him. He had to admit it was a mutual thing. Ezra came into the office.

"Oh, sorry," he said. "I didn't know you were still in here." He started to back out, but Scott stopped him.

"That's OK," he said getting up. "I have to go see someone anyway."


	8. 8

Chapter 8 

**I don't own any of the Higher Ground characters except Dani and Jessie.**

Scott rubbed his eyes tiredly. He hadn't gotten the chance to talk to Shelby last night. He couldn't find her, but Peter said he thought he'd seen her with Dani and Juliette. It was amazing that Shelby and Juliette were getting along, considering the way they used to be at each other's throats.

He grabbed his breakfast tray and smiled. Still the same old mush. He sat down next to Ezra and Auggie. There was no sign of the girls yet.

Scott had been so preoccupied with seeing Shelby again, and with avoiding Jessie's advances, that he hadn't talked to the guys much. Peter had suggestion he try to rebuild some old bridges that he'd once burned.

"Hey, EZ, how have you been, man?" he asked, hoping for more than a one or two word response. Ezra had been kind of cold with him.

No such luck. "Fine," Ezra replied shortly. "So, Auggie, I know you probably want a boy, but what would you name him?"

Scott sighed, but tried to focus on the conversation between his once close friends. He found his gaze wandering and it settled on the door.

Scott mentally chided himself. Come off it, he told himself. You're mad at her and you don't love her. She didn't want you to kiss her. She doesn't love you.

Shelby came in the door, but she wasn't holding Dani. Daisy was, and she and the other girls came in behind Shelby. Juliette's eyes were red. Daisy found a table while Kat and Jules got in the breakfast line. Shelby went up the stairs to Peter's office.

Peter's Office

"Thanks for coming, Shelby," Peter said. "I know it's early, but..."

"Yeah, but this has to be done," Shelby finished for him.

"Yes, it does. The funeral's tomorrow and you haven't decided if you want to say anything about Jess yet."

"Well," Shelby began. "I know I want to say something. I mean, she's my little sister. I just don't know what to say. I'm not good at stuff like that."

She was silent for a moment before continuing. "I talked to the other girls," she said. "They all want to say something about Jess. I have a feeling it's to get me off the hook a little bit."

"Did you ask the boys if they wanted to say anything about her?" Peter asked. "I'm sure they would."

"Some might, but I don't want them to feel obligated to. I mean, David didn't even know Jess. The only one to really know her was..." She trailed off.

"The only guy to really know her was Scott," Peter finished for her. She nodded.

The two were silent for a moment, then began the planning of who would say what and when.

Shelby walked into the dorm two hours later. She flopped down on her bed, holding back tears. It was so hard. She knew Jess was gone. But it didn't seem real to her until they made plans to say good bye.

Ezra gave a quick rap on the door and came in holding a squirming Dani. Shelby put on a fake bright smile and held her arms out.

As hard as she tried, Shelby could not keep the tears in her eyes from falling. She turned her head so Ezra wouldn't see. Dani cooed and Shelby buried her face in her daughter's clothes. She could feel her tears slowly subsiding. Suddenly Dani was taken from her. Ezra wrapped his arms around Shelby and she cried. She cried in the arms of the one person that she knew would still be there for her after they all left Horizon.

"Shelby, I know you miss her," he began in a soft and gentle voice. "I know that you loved her so much. God, you sacrificed so much for her."

Hearing this caused Shelby to sob harder. "How can she be gone? She's my sister? How can she be gone?"

Scott walked to the girls' cabin, running through his apology in his mind. Shelby had wanted to know if he and Jessie were together. He had lied and told her no. He needed to set the record straight.

He got to the cabin and peeked in the window to be completely and utterly shocked by what he saw. Ezra was sitting on the bed, holding Shelby. The two looked very comfortable. And Dani was nowhere to be seen. 

Scott backed away from the window, head spinning. How could she? Ezra was one of his best friends. And Ezra. How could he do it? Scott just didn't understand it. And to think, he was going to tell Shelby about Jessie. At least he had thought he could have cared about Jessie at first. There was no way Shelby could care about Ezra. Not after the way she treated them years ago. No way in hell.

Scott didn't notice he had started walking until he stopped. He was in front of the lodge. He walked upstairs, to the part where Peter had offered him to set up his business until he left. Jessie was there, reading a fax. He walked up behind her and made a surprising movement. Jessie jumped, not sure whose hands were on her. But when he kissed her neck, she was met with a rush of memories. Finally, she thought. Scott and I are together again. She turned around and kissed him passionately. She could tell from the moment he grabbed her, there was going to be no holding back. And she was right. There was no holding back.


	9. 9

Chapter 9 

**I don't own any of the Higher Ground characters except Jessie and Danielle.**

Shelby walked up the stairs. She needed to talk to Scott. She needed to talk to him now. She opened the door to the office Peter had given him...

...And gasped. She felt like she'd been punched in the stomach. Jessie and Scott were lying on the floor in a tangled heap, legs entwined with one another. She tried in vain to stop the tears that started coursing down her cheeks as Scott and Jessie took notice that she was there.

"Shelby..." Scott sputtered. "I can explain." Shelby looked at Jessie, who looked amazingly smug. She didn't look like she was sorry for Shelby catching them; she looked like she was enjoying it.

"Don't bother," Shelby told Scott coldly. "Because I don't want to hear it." She turned on heel and ran from the lodge, sobbing the whole way.

Scott laid back and massaged his throbbing temples. He had seen the look on Shelby's face. He hurt her. He knew as soon as he saw her tears, her pain, that it was wrong to have slept with Jessie. As if reading his mind, she snuggled against him and purred.

He pushed her away. "Don't," he said. "This is wrong. We were wrong. We shouldn't have..." He trailed off when he saw Daisy standing in the doorway with a cold expression on her face.

"No, you shouldn't have," she said coolly. "But you did. And you hurt Shelby. Now I have to retaliate for her."

She turned to Jessie. "You are a no good, stuck up, little slut who deserves everything you get."

"And you," she turned to Scott. "You are a jerk who doesn't deserve my best friend. You used her, took advantage of her, told her you loved her. She trusted you. Other than me, you were the only one she told. Why do you think she did that? Because you made her think she could trust you, that's why! You're a selfish bastard who wants what he can get easily. You and Jessie deserve each other!" She walked out of the room.

Scott struggled into his pants and chased Daisy. Jessie sighed and laid back down.

"Daisy! Wait up!" Scott called to her. He expected her to break into a run, but she turned to face him. Her eyes flashed dangerously.

"What do you want?" she hissed.

"Want to know why I slept with Jessie? Because Shelby was done with me! And you said I was using her!"

"What are you talking about?" she asked in a skeptical voice.

"I saw her and Ezra in a very steamy embrace before I went to Jessie," Scott said in an I-told-you-so voice.

"Yeah, well, I would hardly call it steamy," Daisy snorted. "I came in not long after you, I'm guessing. Shelby was so upset. It had finally hit her that Jess was gone and wasn't coming back. She just lost it. Ezra was the first one to find her."

Scott didn't know what to say. He just stood there, mouth agape. He felt so bad. Shelby lost her only sister, the sister she had taken so much pain for. And now she had to deal with the hurt he caused her.

"We convinced her to come to you. We thought you might be able to help her. We both wanted you and Shelby to be close again. As if," Daisy said bitterly. She didn't wait for a response, just left him standing, sun setting in the distance.

Shelby walked through the woods, feeling exhausted. It had gotten dark hours ago, but she hadn't felt like going back and facing everyone. Facing Scott. She still didn't feel like going back, but someone had to take care of Danielle. That someone was her. She had almost abandoned her once before, but she wasn't about to do it again.

She walked up to the lodge. Ezra was sitting on the steps waiting for her. She was a good distance away and it was dark, so she saw him before he saw her. She watched him with mixed feelings. He had concern etched into his face. What a good friend he's been, Shelby thought. I practically dumped my daughter on him and he's still talking to me. Which is more than I can say for Scott.

As she came out of the shadows, Ezra stood and embraced her. She had promised herself that she wouldn't cry in front of anyone. A promise she broke immediately. 

It was inevitable. Ezra's arms were so warm and open that she couldn't help it. The tears poured down her face and onto his neck, but he didn't seem to notice. He just rubbed her back and whispered words of comfort into her hair.

It took a while, but Shelby finally stopped crying. She leaned back and laughed at Ezra.

"What?" he asked, amused at her sudden change in moods.

She pointed to his sopping wet shirt, still laughing. Soon they were both laughing. They sat down on the step. Ezra put his arm around Shelby. She laid her head on his shoulder.

"Feel better?" he asked.

"Yeah, a little," she admitted. "But I'm so angry with him, I could scream! How could he do that? How could he do that to me?"

"Well, Shel," Ezra said carefully. "You guys aren't together. Not technically."

"Could have fooled me," she snorted. "He tried to kiss me the other night. And then he goes and sleeps with Jessie. That slut."

"That's what I told her," said a voice from behind them. Daisy joined them on Shelby's other side. "I told them both off."

Shelby smiled wanly. "Thanks, Dais," she said. "I appreciate it. I probably would have gone off the deep end with them."

"And who says I didn't?" Daisy asked, amused that Shelby assumed she'd be courteous. Shelby didn't say anything, but Ezra chuckled.

"How's Dani?" Shelby asked, changing the subject. "Did she go to sleep all right?"

"Yeah, she went right out," Daisy said. "Soon as, make that before, I put her in the crib."

"I think I'm gonna look in on her," Shelby said, standing up.

Ezra grabbed her arm. "Will you be OK?" he asked softly.

Shelby smiled warmly. "Yeah. Thanks to the two of you, yeah. I'll be fine." She walked away, Daisy and Ezra staring after her.

Shelby walked into the familiar cabin and sighed. This had been one of the hardest days of her life. She loved Scott. She still loves Scott. But he had hurt her, more than once. She felt like she had nothing left. 

She sighed again as she looked at her sleeping baby. She chastised herself. She had everything left. How could she say she had nothing?

She picked up her carry-on bag and dug for the things she knew would help her feel better. She found the pills and popped four of them into her mouth. She lay down on her bed, wanting to sleep forever.


	10. 10

**Chapter 10  
**

**I don't own the Higher Ground characters except Jessie and Dani, as well as any other children that may appear.**

Ezra rubbed his eyes. Dani was screaming at the top of her lungs. Shelby must have slept through it again. He rolled over and prepared to sit up when he saw Scott putting his pants on.

"I'll get her," Scott said. He didn't leave Ezra any time to argue. He walked out into the early morning sunrise.

Scott walked into the girls' cabin and shut the door. No wonder Daisy, Kat, or Jules had gotten up with the baby. They weren't here. Shelby was asleep on her bed. She didn't make any move when he touched her. He went to Dani's crib and picked her up.

The door opened and Daisy walked in. She stood in the doorway and smiled at the image of Scott walking back and forth with Danielle in his arms. She looked past him to see Shelby on the bed. A chill ran through her. She wouldn't have. She couldn't have. God, please say she didn't.

She walked past Scott to Shelby. She rolled her over and got no response from Shelby. She felt for a pulse. There was none.

By this time Scott had set Dani in the crib and was at her side. Daisy yelled for him to do something, to get someone. He ran out.

Daisy stood there for a minute, unsure of what to do. Unsure of what to think. Kat came in and said that Scott was looking for Peter or Sophie. Daisy helped Kat get Shelby flat on the bed and Kat began doing CPR. It was only a few seconds before Peter raced in followed by Scott and Sophie, cell phone in hand.

Sophie began talking rapidly into the phone. Peter took over for Kat doing CPR, but she still helped. Scott paced around the room with Dani, never taking his eyes off Shelby. He was crying.

Everyone was doing something useful except for her. The room spun around her and her knees threatened to give way. Strong arms came around her.

She turned around and started sobbing into Ezra's chest. He was crying too. Together they stood in a warm embrace while chaos swarmed around them.

The ambulance came and Scott couldn't take his eyes off them as they loaded Shelby into the back. Juliette had come and gotten Danielle from Scott, saying he couldn't handle anymore right now.

The ambulance sped away and Scott sat down on the steps and cried. Sophie came over to them with an officer.

"Scott, we need to know what happened," Sophie said gently. The cop beside her didn't look too friendly.

"I don't know," Scott mumbled. "I just don't know."

The officer sighed loudly, causing both Scott and Sophie to glare at him. "I need to know what happened."

"I walked into the room and picked up Dani, who was crying. Shelby's back was turned to me. I thought she was sleeping," he said, still glaring at the cop.

The cop looked at him incredulously. "You mean to tell me you thought she was sleeping through her baby screaming?"

"She has before," Scott said stubbornly. Truth was, he'd been asking himself the same question. Did he really think Shelby had been sleeping? He had at the time, but know he wasn't so sure.

He was aware of the officer talking again, but Scott wasn't listening. He got up and walked away. He heard Sophie calling him back, but when he turned around, she was smiling at him.

Peter sat in the hospital waiting room. It had been 10 minutes since he'd first come in here. Since she'd been taken in that room. He tapped his foot nervously.

A doctor came out. Peter stood, only to have the doctor walk right past him to someone else. Peter walked to the coffee machine on the wall and got a coffee. Usually he would get decaff, but right now he needed that extra boost.

Another doctor came out, but Peter stayed seated. The doctor came up to him. This time Peter did stand up.

"Mr. Scarborow," the doctor said gravelly. "I'm Dr. Marlena Evans."

Peter shook Dr. Evans's hand. "How is Shelby? Can I see her? Is she all right?"

"Mr. Scarborow, we have reason to believe Shelby was trying to commit suicide," Dr. Evans informed him seriously.

"What? She wouldn't have...She couldn't have...How?" Peter asked, not sure what to believe.

"She took an overdose of sleeping pills. Someone doesn't usually overdose on sleeping pills unless they have a reason."

Peter ran his hand through his hair. Why would Shelby try to kill herself? It just didn't make sense. Unless...

"Will she be all right?" Peter asked.

"She's fine, for now. She needs to stay on the hospital so we can watch her. We need to see if she's stable enough to be released."

"Yeah, that makes sense," Peter said. "Can I see her? Can I talk to her?"

"Of course you can," Dr. Evans assured him. "Follow me." She led him down the hall to Shelby's room.

Shelby was sleeping when Peter went in. He sat in a chair by her bed and took her hand in his. She looked so small and pale lying in the hospital bed.

I don't own any of them Higher Ground characters except Jessie and Dani, as well as any other children that may appear. Dr. Marlena Evans is a character from the soap Days of Our Lives. Enjoy! Sorry it's so short. It's a combination of no time and writer's block.

Peter sat there holding her small hand for what seemed like hours before she stirred. He gently brushed her hair from her forehead as he waited for her to open her eyes.

"Peter," she whispered before the tears started. "I'm sorry," she sobbed. "I'm so sorry." He held her while she cried, not saying anything.

"Why are you sorry, Shel?" he asked, taking a different approach than what he'd planned. "What did you do?"

"I just thought...I just...I don't know..." she couldn't seem to find the right words to make him understand. "I wasn't thinking," she said quietly after a few moments.

"If things were that bad, Shel-," he said before she cut him off.

"They weren't that bad," she said. "They really weren't. I was handling Jess being gone, I was handling Dani, I was handling Jessie being there. But when she...When I saw them together, and I mean together, I just felt like it was all coming down on me at once."

"It's perfectly natural to feel that way," Peter assured her, seeing the look of panic on her face. "You lose your sister, your ex shows up with this mystery girl, and you have to take care of a baby on top of all that. How could you not feel like the whole world is on your shoulders?"

"How is Dani?" she asked anxiously. "Is she all right? Is someone taking care of her?"

"Of course," Peter told her reassuringly. "Ezra has insisted on always being with her, but Daisy and the girls convince him to take a break every now and then."

Shelby giggled, but then was silent. "What's going to happen to me, Peter?" she asked after a while.

"I'm going to see if they'll let me take you back to Horizon, seeing as I'm qualified to. I think you'd be more comfortable there, anyway."

"And I trust you and Sophie more than I trust anyone here," she muttered.

"That'll factor in too," Peter said with a grin.

Back at Horizon, everyone was worrying themselves' sick. Auggie gripped Juliette's hand, hoping she wouldn't make another run to the bathroom.

Ezra sat on the couch with Daisy, holding Danielle. Kat and Hank stood in front of the fireplace talking quietly to Sophie.

Scott sat in a chair by himself. How could I, he thought. She trusted me. How could I betray her trust? She did this because of me. I'm to blame. He got up and stalked out of the room.

Scott was outside on the docks when Jessie came over to him. "Hey, Scotty," she purred.

Scott pushed her away, gently but hard enough to get his point across. "It's over. Period. No more. It was a mistake, Jessie. A BIG mistake."

"How can you say it was a mistake?" she asked, rubbing against him. She went up behind him, grabbing him around the waist. "That was the best thing I've ever done."

"How could it be a mistake? I'll tell you," Scott bellowed. "The girl I love, the girl I worship, is in the hospital because she tried to kill herself. And she tried to kill herself because of me. Because of us." His voice broke and he sunk to the ground, sobbing. Jessie went closer to comfort, but Daisy swooped in.

"Stay away from him," she hissed. "Leave him alone." Jessie sputtered words filled with venom and stalked away.

Daisy sat down beside Scott. She touched his shoulder. He looked at her, eyes shining with tears.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't tell me," she said with a touch of bitterness in her voice. "Tell Shelby."

"How did you know? I mean, how did you know what she did?"

"I don't know. Best friend intuition, I guess," she said. "I didn't actually know. I was hoping it wasn't true, but..."

"I'm sorry," Scott said again. He put his head in his hands. "God, how could I be so stupid? I love her. I need her. And she needs me. Her sister died and I was throwing it in her face. And then I slept with Jessie. I don't even know why I did it. I really don't."

"Maybe because you felt like she betrayed you when she confided in Ezra," Daisy said quietly.

"Maybe I did," Scott said. "Maybe I did."

"Good news," Peter sang out as he entered Shelby's hospital room later that night. She looked up, amused. It wasn't often Peter got this animated.

"So..." She said. "What's the good news?"

"They're releasing you to my custody tomorrow morning," he said. "You're going back to Horizon."

Shelby paled slightly. "Do they know?" she asked. "Do they know what happened? Why I'm here?"

"I'm not sure," Peter said slowly. "I don't think Sophie told them, but I'm sure they could put things together."

"Great," she muttered. Seeing Peter look at her concerned, she said, "I mean, great that there isn't going to be any secrets."

"Yeah, I'm sure that's what you meant," Peter said.


End file.
